http://p-sychotique.tumblr.com/post/136123775644/more-im-definitely-not-a-fujoshi-i

yosh signed up for sats in may

huraah I still have a future

I wish I got played with too.

Oh wait.

I did.

And now, I really hate him.
All three of them.
Because I wish they weren’t such meanies.

let me just drown

prolly screwed As,  ah well I’ll have to retake next year

…..not even going to bother opening my cert. I will not open my cert. pfft

it really does make me sad to see myself so skinny in the past and so obese now but I remember, there are only two ways I could ever go back into that state:

1. give up on my own life and force myself to be tired and starve so I’d feel less sad. my clique’s rejection helped me with this. I had no one to eat with. I wanted to become thin and pretty and feel too tired to care about him. I wish he came back, but meh.

2. brainwash myself with thinspo until everything triggers. kinda did that as well.

well point is, I’m not going to have any reason to give up on my existence or feel any more abandoned for now. I was too attached to him, now I’m not. I remember telling myself, “I was far happier with my body at 68kg than now at 56kg” so um, I guess I should deal with it.

idk why I’m gaining a kilo a month but I guess I’ll just start taking care of myself

I won’t feel shitty enough to want to relapse so badly again

for now

not until I fall in love with someone else I interact with daily and change my life anyway

hm lesson learned from that shitface is that being “normal” is completely relative and he’s a complete blurr jerk who idk man but wtv I hope to never see him ever again I mean he could apologize but I’d never forgive him because I AM A TSUNDERE AND WILL NEVER ADMIT MY FEELINGS FOR HIM MUAHAHA okay but yeah

what a jerk I thought he was normal but nope nobody is “normal” and his definition of “normal” is bs I mean sure the societal expectations of not running to toilets when overwhelmed and never coming out and etc is fine but other crap HE WENT OVER HIS OWN LINE WITH TOO MUCH PHYSICAL CONTACT I should have stopped him but meh

ah well

….I really hope to never see him again.

I don’t think either of us would ever come to a common ground and forgive each other.

(why should I forgive him? he’s a total backstabbing betrayer and I still think he pulled the entire beat the CS-s group as an attempt to actually make me breakdown as a person seriously speaking)

ah well I had too much tea today my iron’s already low plus period yosh gonna plank for three minutes and lunge 50 because I CANT LIFT HERE I HAVE NOTHING TO LIFT SOB NO MORE 4KG LIFTS

why am I mentally breaking down two days in a row

after seeinf harrry kiss cho

went to prom and didn’t mentally breakdown when seeing shitface five times

GOOD JOB ME I’M SO PROUD OF YOU I know you feel terribly self destructive but YOU CAN DO IT